John:  Wow, do you hear those birds chirping, Dick?  The vast lake before us is calm and the mountains towering above us provide a postcard-ish backdrop for today's lunch.  Here in Lausanne, Switzerland things are wonderful, incredible, fantabulous... any other superlatives to be added?

Dick:  Really nice.

John:  There's even snow up in the hills.  The whole place seems to be set up... not for the Swiss people but... for tourists.  Everything is so convenient.  There are water fountains, benches and manicured walkways.  Directional signs give the amount of minutes to walk to peaks... well marked.

Plus, as a bonus, there's Swiss cheese and Swiss watches, Swiss army knives and Swiss chocolate.  How do you like Switzerland, so far Dick?

Dick:  I like Switzerland.  Quite scenic, you really couldn't ask for more.  Right now we're in a large park, right on the ocean... err, lake.  Lake Lausanne. Places to walk your dog and sunbath...

* * * *

Zermatt, Switzerland - Saturday, July 3
Location:  ESCAPING THE RAIN UNDER AN OVERHANG

John:  We've journeyed here to Zermatt to see... the mountain called the Matterhorn.  Unfortunately, even though we are in Zermatt, we're not going to see it now.  That's partially because it's raining and we're inside a parking garage escaping the precipitation and can't see much of anything.  But mostly it's because the clouds are so thick that we can't even see across the street.  Although, there is some visibility downtown, where we saw some mountain goats on the downtown streets, being herded through town.  Ah, the Matterhorn... I can't wait to go on the sky gondola ride that goes through the middle of it.

Dick:  If you were in Disneyland you might be able to go on that ride.

John:  Well, looking up and out a bit, the Matterhorn must be somewhere behind us, in that direction, I guess.  So much for Zermatt.  Dick, aren't you glad we rode uphill for 23 miles to get here? Although, I was rather surprised that it wasn't a steeper climb to get up to Zermatt. These are the Alps, after all, it should have been more of a struggle.  You have something to say?

Dick:  Yes. We only had half a load.  We dropped off half the baggage down in a locker at the train station in the town of Visp,  at the bottom of the mountain.

John:  Oh right, good point.  So, the ride was easier than it might have been.  We usually carry about 50 lbs. so this was less.

It seems to be a bit touristy here in Zermatt as it was in Lausanne.  A lot of little Swiss houses shaped like upside down "V's" with balconies.

When we started in Geneva, Switzerland, everything was all in the French language... and it's starting to rain even harder now... but now being in the eastern part of the country, it has transitioned to German language, so we're a bit lost.  All the signs are in German and everybody speaks German.  Dick, I was supposed to brush up on the Italian and you were supposed to learn German before the trip, weren't you.  What happened?

Dick:  Well, I know the basic words but I couldn't take the course I wanted to because I had to have work done on my teeth.  I blew the money on that.

John:  So... instead of communicating, we'll just have to smile and point to Dick's beautiful teeth.  This is going to be quite an adjustment especially since we've got to figure out what these directional signs say. 

Looking around here... and, now the valley is completely fogged in.  Still no sign of the Matterhorn out there.  It said in our guide book that the best time to catch a "glimpse"... prepping us for disappointment... a glimpse of the Matterhorn, is in the morning.  Well, it's the afternoon now.  But that phrase seems to imply that it's not an automatic thing to even see the Matterhorn.

Looking at the map, the Matterhorn is looks to be huge. Over 4,400 meters.  Right now our elevation is 1,100 meters.  That's a difference of about 3,300 meters which is a difference of 10,000 feet!  That's like two miles above us to the peak of it.  Can you image.  Two miles up is the tip of this thing. That's phenomenal.

Dick:  That 67 year old biker we met on the ride up from Visp said some people come up here for an entire week and never see the damn thing.  So we may be here for awhile if we truly want to see it.

Sunday, July 4
Location:  IN FRONT OF THE HOSTEL

John:  It's the morning now, which is the best time to see the Matterhorn.  We're sitting and waiting.  Looking at an isolated cloud hovering in front of the mountain.  The rain stopped overnight.  And... there are twelve of us from the hostel sitting and waiting to see it.  We can see the base of the mountain.  The entire sky is clear and blue... except for this patch covering the peak of the mountain.  But it keeps blowing and uncovering a little at a time.  It's almost there and...

We have a couple of Swedish girls here with us - Ingmarie and Anita.  Are you typical Swedish girls?

Ingmarie:  I guess so. I know not what you mean by typical. What you mean typical.

John:  Oh, you know, there's a certain appeal about Swedish girls. You know, Swedish girls are lively and cheerful.

Ingmarie:  Oh? Yes, I think we are pretty lively, I think.

John:  Do you go swimming in frozen water in the nude.

Anita:  What are you crazy?  Who said that?

John:  I don't know... I thought that's what Swedes did...

Ingmarie:  Frozen water is ice.  How you swim in ice?

John:  Hmmm, good point, oh... let's change the subject. You two haven't seen the Matterhorn either, have you?

Ingmarie:  No, how could we? We've been here only two days.

John:  Well, I think it's going to clear today.  Last week so... but... wait!  Now that's clear. Right. Yeah!

Yeah. That's it.  There it is - The Matterhorn.  The entire mountain is now clear here in Zermatt on the Fourth of July.  Good thing we stayed over today.  See Dick, and you wanted to leave today without seeing it. How's it look?

Dick:  Just like Disneyland.  Good thing we didn't go.

John:  Well, we're going to hike up the Matterhorn to a destination called Schwartzee, which is that little cliff landing off to the left there.  There's a lake up there too.  Yeah. A little one.

HIKING UP THE MATTERHORN

John:  ...You know... whew, it must be quite difficult to climb the Matterhorn itself.  But, it's not so easy climbing even to Schwartzee.  It's pretty much uphill.  How do you like the walk so far, Dick?

Dick:  Awww... it's getting a little bit steeper.  I'm getting a bit more out of breath.  We're about a third of the way up now, I guess.

John:  And we're up there.

Dick:  ... ...And the oxygen is getting less and less.

John:  Yes. That's why we're out of breath, not because we're out of shape.  No air, that's why.  There are plenty of hikers.  We've passed benches and restaurants at the rest stops along the way.  There's a restaurant up at the top, as a matter of fact.  Captures the true rustic atmosphere of Switzerland.

Here's a directional sign. Schwartzee to the left... a 45 minute walk.  They might as well lead us by the hand up.  This is a very civilized hike.  The path is even covered by cobblestones in parts. And there are water fountains.  Come on, what kind of a nature hike is this.

You can spot the snack bars from afar by the little Swiss flags on top.  So, you can have beers along the way as you hike.  But, what I want to know is - Where are those Saint Bernard dogs that have kegs of brandy under their chins?

Dick:  Dogs can't read these directional signs.  They're in German.  The doggies are probably lost.

John:  I've been practicing my yodeling since we're up in the mountains here. I know it's effective because these sheep keep following me.

Dick:  Also these hikers.

John:  There really is snow up here. It's the Fourth of July and we're making snowballs. Let's nail these sheep... and the tourists on the benches.